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Layu

*dalam kelas sekolah rendah,

(suasana kelas yang chaos, kelas baru nak start)

Cikgu: Shut up all of u!!

(semua student senyap)

Cikgu: Orait student sekian. Hari ni kite akan belajar macam macam mana untuk menukar sesuatu pekataan ke kata kerjanya. Mari kite start dengan perkataan yang bermula dari ‘L’..

(cikgu menulis beberapa soalan di papan hitam)

Cikgu: Baiklah, sekarang saya nak seorang demi seorang dari kamu semua jawab soalan-soalan ni

(Lalu seorang demi seorang lah yang pegi jawab soalan tersebut)

Lahir = melahir

Lambung = melambung

Langkah = melangkah

Laras = melaras

Liwat = meliwat

Langgar = melanggar

Layar = melayar

Letup = meletup

Lepak = melepak


(Sampailah ke soalan akhir iaitu:)

Layu = _______

Cikgu: Orait. Muhammad Al-Kiasu, tolong jawab soalan akhir nih...

(dengan confident nye, Muhammad Al-Kiasu pun jawab la soalan terakhir tu..)


Layu = Melayu


(Cikgu tersebut pon dengan confidentnye, melabelkan Muhammad Al-Kiasu sebagai seorang penderhaka kat bangsa Melayu)

~the end~

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Intermission II

Credit to one of SARKASIS writer, Lucifer that kindly help me to design and manage the layout of this blog. Thanks again dude. Your help was greatly appreciated!

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United Morons of the Retarded Nation

(not for the sensitive)

I don’t think many of you all know about The United Morons of The Retarded Nations (UMRN). Well i cant blame you guys if you don’t. Because its the only country that you cannot see on the world map, but it is universally subconsciously known. Heck, some of you are even a nationality of the UMRN without you even know it! You won’t see it state anywhere in your identity card. But its stated all around us except in your identity card. Haha.. So here im gonna expose to you all about the UMRN..

Where is the UMRN located? Hmm.. its hard to say for sure.. i don’t know exactly where its located. In fact, I think its the only country where you cant find it in one place. (good luck finding it in your GPS!). But i’ll tell you this though. If u wanna know whether you are a UMRN nationality or not, then you can see these criteria in your living country:

In The United Morons of The Retarded Nations,


- -You can see the rich determines the poor’s fate

- -You can see the poor paying taxes and the rich getting it

- -You can see that the fat governs the hungry

- -You can see that the hungry works for the fat

- -You can see health care is not for the sick

- -You can see that less money for the poor means more money for the rich

- -You can see happiness have a price tag

- -You can see that more poor people means more cheap labours

- -You can see that some dinner tables are filled with food while others have no dinner tables

- -You can see that money donations must be made in front of a camera man

- -You can see that the purpose of war is peace

- -You can see soldiers are trained to be heartless

- -You can see innocent civilians are target shooting practice

- -You can see that being racist is an act of patriotism

- -You can see that they need a massive natural disaster for them to unite and remember God

- -You can see that the civilians are busy separating themselves than uniting

- -You can see that the mass media will tell the civilians what to think and what to feel

- -You can see that being selfish is one of survival skills

- -You can see evil looks good and good looks bad

- -You can see that outer beauty is everything and inner beauty is nothing

- -You can see the only mouth allowed to open only tell lies

- -You can see that by being loyal to your country means to never question the government’s decision

- -You can see that a stupid citizen is a good citizen

- -You can see that the smart does not help the stupid

- -You can see that the stupid don’t want to be smart

- -You can see that school’s education is a brainwash tool

- -You can see that voicing conflicting opinions is an act of treason

- -You can see that the government wants all of us to act the same, wear the same, think the same

- - You can see that being different is unacceptable

- -You can see that if you don’t want to be in jail, all you have to do is shut your mouth and your eyes

- - You can see that racial unity is a marketing campaign

- -You can see that the rules are made to oppress and not for justice

- -You can see that a written paper is more powerful than a pure heart

- -You can see that politic is a new religion

- -You can see that a ruler’s title is more longer and more grand than God’s

(this is all that i could come up with for now. Got anything to add??)



If u can see all some or all of these criteria (and a lot more!) in your living country, then let me be the first to welcome you,

~~~~WELCOME TO THE UNITED MORONS OF THE RETARDED NATIONS!!~~~~

Oh what a glorious day it is! More and more citizens are joining the UMRN each and every day! To celebrate, let us all rise and sing the UMRN national song shall we?

“Oh morons around the world,

Let us all reach deep within ourselves,

And hold firm to what we all have in common,

One thing we all have in common is inside of us,

And that is shit shit shitty shit shit,

Oh so sticky so brown so soft,

How i love the feeling so pure,

Oh so sticky so brown so soft,

How i love the feeling so pure”

(repeat x102 times)

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The Clown In The Mirror

Not for the Coulrophobia (clown phobia)



“Hello boys and girls! We have a very special guest for you all tonight. Someone that will tickle your funny bone until it breaks in half and requires 3 surgeries to heal it and let your parents pay all the medical bills that’ll make sure you stay poor for the rest of your grandchildren’s life. May i introduce to you, The Clown In The Mirror! (applause in the audience. And by ‘audience’ i mean people reading this blog. APPLAUSE DAMMIT!!)”

Who is this clown in the mirror? Is the clown a ghost, trying to be funny? A clown that’s stuck inside a thin layer of glass in a mirror? Or maybe it’s just me being delusional, because u know, I’m not right in the head (i need some therapy and a huge dose of medicinal laughter to get by the day) haha!

Well go ahead and check it out. Find a mirror, look at it, and tell me, isn’t that the most ugly assholic face you’ve ever seen? Because if it’s not, well i think your glass is broken. Or maybe you’re just bragging about how beautiful you are (sounds delusional to me). Or maybe you’re actually seeing a picture of a beauty model sandwiched between a glass (which i seriously doubt u look like them. But if u are, gimme a call! ;-)).. Haha.

Who is this clown?

Well, if u did look at a mirror, then u already know the answer right? The clown is in fact, us. Stuck inside an inverted world that projects what our world looks like. And also what we look like. They share the same faces as us, the same hairstyles, wearing the same clothes, sharing the same dream, and sharing the same emotions. Always mimicking what we do and what we show (the clown is also a mime!). The only difference is, they are stuck inside a rectangular (or any other) shaped mirror and are inverted horizontally. Our right is their left. And our left is their right.

So what’s up clown?

You’re probably wondering why is this clown bother to show up dressing like you didn’t you. I mean, the clown can dress up like anyone he/she wants. He could be as hot as Halle Berry or as gay as Adam Lambert (although if would be a nightmare if one day you look at a mirror and suddenly saw him. Haha!) But no. Out of all the people the clown could be, he/she chooses to dress up and be like you. Why? Well i don’t know why. Ask the clown (make sure you’re alone first if you wanna ask the clown, boys and girls. You don’t want mommy and daddy to worry about you now do you?)

So what do you want clown?

Well the clown wants what every clown wants. That is to bring laughter to everyone with lame jokes, colourful tight-together napkins, and helium balloons. So what do we do boys and girls? It’s not nice to not give a good respond now is it? The clowns got a crappy job and a crappy life. At least we could do is to show the clown we’re having a good time. Let us all laugh then shall we. Let us all laugh at the pitiful clown. It is what he/she wanted. So lets put on our fake smiles, sarcastic claps, and laugh.

“HaHAHAHAHahHahahahaHahAhHAhHahhHAhahHaHAhahhhaH

HahhahahaHahHhaHAHhHAhhhHahahaAHaHhAhahahAHaHaHha

hahaHaHhahahahhaHahahHAhaHHaHAHAHAHahHahahahaHahA

hHAhHahhHAhahHaHAhahhhaHHahhahahaHahHhaHAHhHAhhh

HahahaAHaHhAhahahAHaHaHhahahaHaHhahahahhaHahahHAha

HHaHAHAHAHahHahahahaHahAhHAhHahhHAhahHaHAhahhha

HHahhahahaHahHhaHAHhHAhhhHahahaAHaHhAhahahAHaHa

HhahahaHaHhahahahhaHahahHAhaHHaHAHAHAHahHahahaha

HahAhHAhHahhHAhahHaHAhahhhaHHahhahahaHahHhaHAHh

HAhhhHahahaAHaHhAhahahAHaHaHhahahaHaHhahahahh!!!!”

Okay thats enough of laughter for one blog posts. (Booooo!)

So boys and girls, let us all learn to keep laughing at the clown in the mirror. And keep him/her feel good about himself. Because if the clowns happy, then you’re happy (the clowns is you anyway right?). And don’t show a frown, sad face to the clown. Because like any entertainer, the clown always wants to see a smiley face from the audience.

p/s: this only applies to clowns... if its a magician, you better make his life miserable! Damn magician. I’ll kick you in the nut sack!

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The Gap That’s Filled With Dust

Think i’m going psycho with this one...

Holographic lies, is what worries me most in this world. What it shows is never what it is. All along we were left to believe this fake image of the world. And that theres nothing to be scared of. Sickness appears to be health. War appears to be peaceful. Revenge appears to be justice. Oppression appears to be equality. Hell appears to be heaven.

And where does all this went wrong? Where does it all came from? If u ask me, then i think maybe its because everything that’s around us nowdays are filled with lies. A kind of lies that u see as truth. And that lie is projected in such a way that is backed up with another lie or sometimes even backed up with truths. Lies on top of another lies is what it is. Layers of it, that when u can peel and break through one layer, u will feel that u have been freed from a lie, but its just another layer appearing infront of u. Chaining u in the same cage as before while leaving u deceived of being free as a bird. Making that holographic lie seems as the concrete truth. And your brain seems oh so helpless. That once it senses that what it believe to be true is a lie, it will go in denial. It will reject these feelings of being deceived, so that your comfortable, fake world is safe. And you can go back with your lives with those repetitive routine that u hold firm.

Somehow we were blurred about which is a lie, which is the truth, and how they are manipulated.

Take this situation for instance:

There’s a guy who people see as the most truthful person they ever met. And by that i mean he never told a lie (ever!) to anyone. Like u can even ask him what’s his favourite porn video and yeah, he’ll tell u the details. Then one day he makes a 100 statements to u, like saying; the world is round, the sea is salty, fire is hot, etc. (lame statements, i know).. and about 99% of those statement, u believe it because u know it’s true. Any idiot would agree on those statements because they all know its true.... but there’s this one statement that kind of confuses u. That makes u go “Hmm... i don’t know that. But then again i never heard of it”.. So what do u do? Well, the guy’s pretty honest all his life. And so far u know he’s telling the truth. So logically, would u believe him??

Yeah you would..

That’s dangerous right there. “To believe what u know nothing about”. That’s a disease worse than AIDS. U believed him simply on the fact that he’s been truthful all his life. He’s just a guy, far less a prophet! Who knows maybe that one small lie is the one that affects u the most.

The same goes to the vice-versa of the situation above, which is a liar telling 99lies and one truth. Don’t simply say he’s telling a lie without u knowing it IS a lie. Because what seems like a lie can also be the truth! (i think theres a fairy tale about this)

Then theres how the confusing lie become truth..

Let me explain this in a weird way. Take this for instance:

We all know that: 2x2=4 4/1=4 √16 =4

But then the math teacher comes up and erases all those (logic) equations and come up with a ‘better’ equation..

BITCHSLAP = 4

Teacher’s reason:

B is the 2nd number of the alphabet sequence

So: B = 2 I = 9 T = 20 C = 3 H = 8 S = 19 L = 12 A = 1 P = 16

Negative (-) plus with positive (+) is neutral

- + - + - - + + = neutral

Add to BITCHSLAP, u get:

B-I+T-C+H-S-L+A+P = 4,

2 - 9 + 20 - 3 +8 -19 - 12 +1 + 16 = 4

Therefore: BITCHSLAP = 4

And all the children applauded the teacher because finally all the alphabets in a math question make sense. And then whenever the kids were asked does the equation ‘2+2=4’ correct, they would answer no, because they were thought, that BITCHSLAP = 4. And NOTHING ELSE in the world would also equal to 4..

So what’s this situation represents then?

It represents that although sometimes there are questions which have only one answer, there are also some questions that have many answers. And sometimes the answers are soo many, that its hard to figure out which one is the rightful, true answer; and which one is the (smartly dumb) idiotic explanation to the question.

Let me ask u something, if u want to do a research on a subject, let say about the world war 2, where would u research on it? The internet? Books? Interviews? Well that’s all the resource u can get right? Then how do u know, that all the information they give u is rightful truth? I mean, really, what they say really do go down in history? What if something happened during that war that needed to be covered from the public? Something that if its exposed, would really show the true intention of the war? Or which party are really the predator and the victim of the war? What if they twist the facts that make the evil look good and the good look bad? We know all of this is in the past and theres no way u could know it for sure what really happens. Me? Well I only take history as a fairytale. People write books about it. But that doesn’t mean i have to believe it. Because there is too much blurry spots that there is in no way i could know any of it is true for sure.

I saw this news once about some students that were given a task to do a research and a presentation on extinct animals. One of the group look up on the internet and found a subject, which is the tree climbing octopus. What the students don’t know is, that the tree climbing octopus is actually a fake, made-up animal by someone, and that someone make up a website about the octopus. The website shows incredible details on the octopus characters that it seems believable! The students naively believed in that octopus, and all of them failed the class.

(Wiki it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Northwest_tree_octopus)

And i don’t think these children are to blame. In fact, we did the same thing didn’t we? If u want to look up and do a bit of research about something, where’s the first place u look? The internet. Who wrote it? I dunno. Some guy with a Ph.D, at least, thats what it says in the article.. Then u look up on books. Who wrote it? Oh, its the same guy. Or maybe another guy that refers to the same guy. Then u look up on the names of the ones who wrote those articles. Oh, they all learn it from the same teacher. And many of those teachers learn from another single teacher.. I have a theory (or maybe i’ve heard it somewhere), that if everybody believe in one lie, that lie will appear more as truth. Have u ever thought that maybe when u see all these professors saying the same thing is actually because they all learn it from the same teacher? What looks like ALL these points of views are agreeing at the same thing is actually just ONE POINT OF VIEW! Imagine if the teachers’ teacher lied about one fact. Those teachers would all naively believe their teacher. And the teachers will teach the students the same thing and the students would also naively believe in it. Making everyone to believe the same lie, and making the lie to be very concrete because everyone seems to agree with it! Therefore, the lie appears to be more true when there are more people believing in it!

This is exactly what i mean! All the resource we know, about all the things that what u may believe to have happened, or the achievements we have made, the wars, conspiracy, politics, society, all the shit that u thought to be true, QUESTION IT! Question all of it! And believe in only what u know to be true, that u see it for yourself and was proven in front of u. Because who knows, that what u know right now is all another lie that they’ve created for u to believe, and hide the truth for their own benefit.

So now i ask u, to please please pleeeeaaaseee open not just your eyes, but also your mind. Find out the missing pieces of the gaps in your life. And put the pieces together so that u can see the bigger than the biggest picture of it all. And see how all of them relates, and how all of them deceives. So that no more will those gaps be filled with dusty lies. And lets clean up this gap that’s filled with dust.

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